Today is my Grandma's birthday. Normally, I would be wondering what kind of dessert she would be having cause by this time we are all birthday cake-ed out. But not today...not anymore. Instead I am thinking about how much my heart aches that she isn't here with us anymore. I miss her soo much it hurts my heart.
I think the hardest part about losing Grandma was turning around and going to see Mark's sister, Kristina have Carter and then seeing Mark's grandmothers with Carter. That day I was on the brink of crying all day. It hit me that Grandma will never be able to hold any of my babies, not one. I know that she will be there in spirit when I get pregnant and birth my babies. But I will never be able to have those precious moments with her.
Thinking ahead..I think that this Thanksgiving and Christmas is going to be one of the hardest yet for me. Without Grandma there it just won't be the same. We will have it all though, that would be what she wanted. She would want us to go on and have everything the same as it always has been. And we will.
Wow...I didn't think today was going to be soo tough. Every time I just sit, and start to think...I start to cry. I don't think this will ever get any easier to deal with.